Day 104: Identity Theft Is Not a Merger

April 14, 2026

"Parker attempts a 'strategic merger' with another failing pre-seed startup to double their headcount and valuation on paper, but discovers the other founder is literally just a guy running a WordPress blog from Panera. Bradley, meanwhile, has been secretly building a functional product feature that already has three paying users, but Parker dismisses it because 'revenue is a vanity metric at this stage.'"